By: Conner Graham and Adrienne Wood
The issue of gun control becomes a hot topic after every mass shooting event. While families are grieving, politicians rush to the cameras to provide their sage wisdom of how these atrocities could be avoided if only we had “common sense” gun control. Read more
Kurtis Johnson is a graduate of the University of Kentucky and is a proud member of … whatever. He’s just a 1L. Who cares? I already did my job. If you want to know who he is just read the damn interview or talk to him yourself. Regardless, I found Kurtis rummaging through the dumpsters behind school in between studying for the 1L midterms. Naturally, I felt bad for the guy; and, for a second, I saw my own reflection: a teary-eyed, confused 1L in need of some good food and a hell of a lot of sleep. I invited Kurtis to Chimes, and the following transcript is the result.
Relationship Status: Single
Hometown: Dayton, Ohio
Undergrad Major: Political Science
Q: Let’s start this off by getting some Blackened Gator. Have you ever had Alligator before?
A: No, but I’ve been wanting to try it. What’s that sauce?
Q: Remoulade; I’m not sure what’s in it, but it’s fire. What sports did you play in high school?
A: I played basketball, football, and ran track.
Q: What position did you play in basketball?
A: In high school, power forward, but now I like to see myself as a Point. I just body people.
Q: What gives you the competitive advantage?
A: Since I’ve come to law school everyone said I have a big butt. I’m sure that’s got something to do with it.
Q: I heard you played football in college too, right?
A: Yeah I played my Freshman year at the University of Kentucky.
Q: You get any PT?
A: (Smiles, hesitates, and shakes head) Nah.
Q. So you just moved here. How’s your place?
A. I live with another 1L, but neither of us brought furniture. We have a blow-up couch, two of those bungee chairs, a card table, and a beer pong table we use as a TV stand.
Q. You basically turned your apartment into a frat house. I can dig it. What else you got?
A. I sleep on an air mattress. But it’s a dope air mattress. Check it out, its got a headboard. (shows me a picture of it)
Q. Dude, this is only a twin size… Is that a “Minion” blanket?
A. Oh yeah; HUGE minion guy. Love minions. Those guys crack me up.
Q: If you had to litigate a video game, what would it be? For example, Donkey Kong committing assault against Mario.
A: Probably like Donkey Kong. Yeah, like a Donkey Kong game.
Q: I literally just gave you that. You do understand you’re not just supposed to say exactly the same back to me, right? This isn’t Baier’s class.
A: Oh, my bad. Mario Kart, but just to exact revenge on everyone.
Q: Are you any good?
A: Not at all. That’s why they’re going to pay for their tortious behavior.
Q: What’s your weirdest habit?
A: I’m obsessed with picking at my skin.
Q: Do you have a skin-box like from Goldmember?
A: No ha-ha-ha.
Q: I’ve got an extra. Do you want one?
Q: Nothing. What’s your favorite bar in Baton Rouge?
A: I know it sounds bad, but Fred’s. I love Fred’s, I just have a great time, there. (Seriously, one of these bars needs to give me free stuff)
Q: Have you ever been to Bogie’s?
A: What’s that?
Q: Then you really have no frame of reference?
A: Everyone says we’re going to go there at the end of the night, but we never go.
Q: Typical. What made you want to go to LSU Law?
A. I actually love the book A Time to Kill. My mom introduced it to me and I knew I wanted to be a lawyer.
Q. So are you a huge Momma’s Boy?
A. Yeah. I wouldn’t say huge, but we’re really close.
Q. What made you want to come to LSU, specifically?
A. Actually, I wanted to play Barrister’s Bowl. It seems like it’s going to be a great time.
Q. Well, Gold Team has the first pick this year. Hopefully, you can get on the right team.
A. I’ll see you on the field, either way.