Trials & Tribulations: Advice for Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

The Final(s) Days: How to Survive the Law-pocalypse

  1. Be ready: The apocalypse never creeps up on its victims. Have a pack prepared so that you can be ready to take action at a moment’s notice.
  2. Stock up: Hoard Expo markers like they’re gold–because they are. You never know when you will chance upon an empty classroom to take shelter in, and chances are it will have been cleared out by another group of survivors. Try to keep highlighters and legal pads on hand, too.
  3. Beware the walkers: You will see them around the law school, but don’t disturb them. You’ll recognize a zombie by their dead stare, pale skin (bleached by hours of cheap fluorescent lighting in the library), and shambling gait. If you stay out of their way, you won’t be in danger.
  4. Safety in numbers: Find a group of people with a unique and differing skill set. You will need each other if you want to survive–more people will help you outnumber the walkers, and if each of you have different specialties, it will be easier to stay alive.
  5. Rest when you can: You never know when you will have a good night’s sleep in a proper bed. Take micro-naps on the floor of empty classrooms; barricade yourself in your car in the parking lot; sleep on the couch of friends who live near the law center.
  6. Eat what you can find: Abandoned granola bars buried at the bottom of your locker will suddenly become Michelin five star dining. Eat what you can get your hands on whenever you get your hands on it. Outrunning the walkers will keep your schedule irregular, so yes, it is normal to eat cold Chinese food at three AM.
  7. Watch for infection: Symptoms will start to manifest rapidly. If you notice that someone in your group has become irritable or their eyes have started to glaze over, be wary. After that, it won’t be long until the virus takes hold. After the initial symptoms, the person who was once your friend will start to shamble down the halls, will lose the power of coherent speech, and will no longer be recognizable. At the first sign of infection, distance yourself from that person so that you don’t share their fate.


Finals Fitness

We all know that summer is just around the corner, which means it’s time to start working on that beach bod! Finals are also only a stone’s throw away, so here are some of the Civilian’s favorite fitness tips to keep you study-ready and sexy!

1. A balanced diet. Fuel is the most important thing when you’re spending long hours hitting the books. Remember to draw from as many of the food groups as you can in a day to ensure you’re making the most of your meals.

  • Cold pizza. Did you get this from one of clubs that gives out pizza at their lunch meetings? Who knows? This is a finals staple that will form the basis of a balanced breakfast.
  • Coffee. Drink this early in the morning and often during the day. The feeling when it kicks in and your hands start shaking because you’ve had six cups just means that your body is ready to prep for exams. Dizziness and nausea are also good signs–when you get to this point, you’re really at peak performance.
  • Jimmy Johns. These freaky fast subs are good for breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. When you reach the point that the driver recognizes your wearied face, you know you’re taking good care of yourself. Throw in a pickle with your order for a shot of vegetables if you’re feeling really bold.
  • Chocolate. This is really good when the feeling of crushing depression starts closing in around you. Wait until you’re almost on the verge of hopeless tears to start eating.
  • Beef jerky. Your body is going to need a lot of protein to get through grueling twelve-hour sessions in the library. This freeze-dried meat surprise is handy and provides a quick burst of energy that you just won’t get from eating fruits or vegetables.

2. Exercise. Make time in your daily routine to push your body. You’ll need all the strength you can get to weather the end of the semester, and you want to come out on the other side ready for swimsuit season.

  • Sprints. Wait at the doors of PMH at exactly 11 AM on the weekends and get a quick dash in as you try to secure a classroom to study in all day. Optional arm exercises include shoving non-law students out of the way.
  • Take the stairs. Not that you’ll have much choice because of the budget cuts that mean the escalators get turned off over the weekends. Doing a few flights of these with all your textbooks on your back will get your heart rate elevated for an intense workout.
  • Go for a brisk walk. Take advantage of the times when you’re hopelessly stuck on a practice exam to pace anxiously around the classroom. The frustration associated with working a practice exam will get your heart rate up to an aerobic zone so you can really do your workout a lot of good. Try kicking at chairs if you’re looking for something a little bit more high-impact.

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